My greatest teacher.

Teachers don't always look like teachers. They disguise themselves as difficult neighbors, drivers in cars that cut you off at the intersection, and babies screaming on planes. 

The Dalai Lama said, "In the practice of tolerance, one’s enemy is the best teacher."

I didn't view my new puppy Primo as my enemy, but I was convinced he didn’t like me very much. At least for the first three months we were together. 

The best-kept secret about dogs is that they can solve a lot of your problems if you let them. Even the ones you don’t know you have. Dogs act like mirrors that we hold up to decode every emotion, reaction, or thought we have. They bring out our best selves or worst selves if we let them. 

If you want to continue growing and evolving, you need an opponent, an antagonist, or even a puppy. You need someone who will truly test your abilities and sincerity beyond the constraints of your mind. 

In honor of my dog’s second birthday, I want to share what Primo has taught me about myself, life, and my emotional blind spots. 

Let things unfold 

Why won't he let me brush his damn teeth?

Dogs are not born knowing how to live in our homes, how to walk on a leash, or where to go to the bathroom. We need to teach them how to do all of these things. And this takes time. Potty training, leash walking, crate training, teeth brushing. How fast they progress is not on our timeline. It’s on theirs. And if you go too fast and push things, they will rebel. 

I didn't realize that it would take months for my dog to learn to walk on a leash. And that it takes the reinforcement of the right behaviors before walking nicely on a leash becomes a habit for them. But so often, we follow that pulling puppy – like Santa on his sled leaving his workshop to deliver presents – because that’s far easier than stopping every minute on that 10-foot walk to reinforce a better behavior. 

We can not allow this, though! Primo is not a sled dog training for the Christmas Olympics; he is a dog that gets a haircut and blow-out every six weeks, with a complimentary blueberry facial. 

Brushing teeth is another one. We can’t expect to brush our puppies’ full mouth of teeth the first day we try. We’re going to need to brush one tooth each day, one at a time, and perhaps we need to give them a treat in between before moving on to the next. 

Holy shit, one tooth at a time?

At that rate, it will be Christmas by the time we will have finished their full mouth. And then we have to start all over again. 

How fast our puppies learn is not on our timeline; it’s on theirs. The process of learning a behavior is not linear for puppies or humans. And if we feel like we’re forcing them, we’re probably doing it the wrong way. 

Are there things in your life that you are forcing to happen before their time? 

Learn what drives you

The proper motivator can change everything.  

Food, toys, quality time with you, touch. These are things dogs value. But it’s your job to figure out which one motivates your dog to do his best work. Once you understand that, you can get your dog to do anything. You’ll see that your dog’s motivation might be different based upon the reward you use. Let’s say you give them their kibble – they may be less motivated to learn a trick you want to teach them versus giving them a piece of freeze-dried liver, which they will go crazy over. It’s essential to question whether it’s a reinforcement issue and not a technical problem with your dog. Maybe they need stronger reinforcement to motivate them to do it. 

When Tim Ferriss interviewed master dog trainer Susan Garrett he shared struggling to get his dog Molly to replicate a trick they had worked on at home. Susan said, “You mentioned tipping with $20 bills, Tim, but maybe in this situation you had to tip in $100s.”

We, humans, are the same. It’s tough to keep going without a “treat” or right-sized celebration to reinforce that we are headed in the right direction. 

Do you know what drives you and how to use that to accomplish your goals?

Design your environment 

Your puppy can't steal what they can't get to.

Like humans, puppies can’t be tempted by something that’s not there. The two critical components of positive dog training are positive reinforcement, focusing on what we want from our dog instead of what we don't want—and managing our puppy’s environment to anticipate anything that might cause them to slip up. Dogs can't steal something they can't get to. 

If we leave our shoes out and they eat one of them, that's our fault, not theirs. 

My dog never chews anything of mine – anymore. And that is not because my puppy is any better than yours. All puppies are equally as mischievous. It’s because I don't leave stuff out for him to get to. 

Avoiding dangerous or harmful situations is not the answer long-term for puppies or humans; life doesn’t work that way. But when you are trying to create a new behavior, controlling the environment to support that behavior is sometimes the best thing we can do. 

When was the last time you were successful while surrounded by constant temptations? 

Emotional Blindspots 

Challenging situations and people come into our lives to remind us that we still have some growing to do. They reveal our emotional blind spots. 

Over the past two years, I've learned a lot about dogs. But mostly about myself and how new things will come into my life that will test me in new ways. And that I should thank them for their efforts when they appear. 

Primo reminded me that my greatest teacher all along was me. And those situations that challenge me can sometimes reap the most significant rewards. Shielding myself from the tough stuff is not the answer. 

I am convinced dogs were created to help us learn and grow and to confront those emotions that we haven't felt completely because we’re afraid of where they might take us.

Thank you, Primo, and Happy birthday!